There are times in everyones lives when they have felt the negativity of being judged.... I suppose its just part of being a human in this modern, mixed-up, crazy world we live in. Talking of crazy, the reason Ive decided to write this blog is because my daughter is in the TV show, Big Brother. Before entering the house we spoke about the impact this would have, not only on her, but also on her friends and family, but nothing really prepares us, the family, from the onslaught and damnation of the viewing public and media.
When entering such a show, the housemates have the knowledge and expectations of being judged, criticised and analysed, sometimes very harshly.
Captivating, Absorbing, Addictive, Gripping
Now, lets be honest.... The Big Brother house is not too dissimilar to a zoo. People are placed into an environment designed to be as natural as possible, but it isn't... it's totally false. The viewing public, aka armchair psychologists, along with the media are able to watch, judge and pull apart every housemates move, reaction and behaviour, especially when lead by one of BB's (let's put the cat among the pigeons) tasks. We are observing the extreme tolerance levels of human behaviour when placed in such an environment, under stress and pressure, igniting uncontrollable emotions ~ anger, jealousy, paranoia, frustration, guilt, lust, the list goes on.
Why do people feel the need to judge others?
Sometimes we may find whilst watching certain events happening in the BB house, an uncomfortable feeling, or unacceptable thought/desire, begins to surface, but you don't know why. These feelings can come from our unconscious, and are normally unwanted and unwelcome... but they are present, and can have a physical and/or mental affect on our behaviour when watching or discussing these events. This is when we start to judge, but why?
It could be we see something in a housemate which we don't like about ourself, or maybe something is said or done which can trigger an unwanted emotion deep inside giving the feeling of being vulnerable.
For example... If a housemate is displaying signs of narcissism or being passive aggressive, this could trigger negative emotions or flashbacks, resulting from a past trauma, abuse or humiliation... which the viewer may find totally unbearable. So, to make the unbearable, bearable they hide behind a well-tuned and often over-used Defence Mechanism to protect ourselves ~ Humour, denial, projection, displacement, repression etc. usually the negative emotions are vented out through social media to a worldwide audience when linked to reality TV.
How to survive negativity and judgement?
Sadly, Judgement can stay with us for an entire lifetime... the feeling of being bad, stupid, ugly or worthless, could come from childhood and go through to old age! The negativity can sit so deep for so long, zapping our energy, lowering self-esteem and feeding any insecurities. But we can survive negative judgement by identifying our own issues and not holding on to someone else's, easier said than done, I hear you say... but over time it can be accomplished.
When judging or feeling judged try to identify your own issues by exploring what is actually going on inside for you.
What are you feeling and why?
Have you had these feelings before?
Is there a pattern, if so, is there a trigger?
Do these feelings control your behaviour?
What impact has it had on your life?
When I read the cruel and very harsh comments made against my daughter, I can't help but feel sad, useless and want to protect her. I know she's the person who put herself in the firing line, but it's still very difficult for me.
Therefore, to preserve my sanity... I have to try to look beyond the harsh words, remind myself these are not my issues, they belong to someone else and most importantly, not to hold on to the negativity, but instead, to let go. When it comes to my daughter, will I ever be able to watch or read with my professional head on? No, I don't think so, but... I am able to separate and not hold on to the projected negativity flooding social media regarding this years show.